Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told that no one was available to service my request for help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up. A minute later I rang them again. "Hello, I said I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now because I've shot them"

Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red handed.

One of the officers said, "I thought you said you had shot them". To which I replied, "I thought you said there was no one available"